Everyone wants to be happy. When we go through painful experiences and tough times, many of us long to be happy again, or at least at a baseline of happiness. But in this era filled with stress and negative news stories, happiness seems to be more and more elusive.

But what is happiness exactly? Hint: it’s more than simply being in a good mood.

“Authentic happiness comes from connecting with our internal values,” says Hilary Stokes Ph.D. “This is known as intrinsic happiness, and is rooted in an abundance of research from the field of positive psychology. When we connect with our values and make choices from this place, we feel aligned with ourselves, and this brings a sense of inner contentment, fulfillment, satisfaction and lasting happiness.”

“Happiness is a step above contentment,” says Dr. Courtney Conley, therapist and CEO of Expanding Horizons Counseling and Wellness. “Things feel right in your world, and you are truly enjoying a moment or space in time.”

Licensed therapist Alexa Bailey, LCSW also offers these words: “Happiness is subjective, and as such, varies person to person.” In other words? Don’t compare yourself to that “happy” person you see on social media.

And remember, “happy” does not equal “perfect.” As Dr. Natalie Christine Dattilo, clinical psychologist and instructor, Harvard Medical School, says, “Perfect is not a criteria for happiness. In fact, I think striving for perfection can have the opposite effect. Authentic happiness relies on our ability to not just tolerate less-than-perfect situations, but appreciate or even celebrate them.”

Stokes says that all of us have an innate capacity to be happy and build on the pathways and circuitry in our brains that strengthen our happiness muscle. And building that muscle takes practice. According to a scientific study, it takes the average person 66 days to form a new habit and make it stick.

So, we’re getting you started with a solid month of happiness habits to start forming now and to keep practicing in the days (and, hopefully, years) to follow.

Related: 100 Happiness Quotes To Lift Your Mood

How to Be Happier in 31 Days

Day 1

For the first day, Dr. Dattilo recommends spending some time assessing and clarifying your values. Depending on the situation, you may ask yourself:

  • “What type of parent do I want to be?”
  • “What type of romantic partner do I want to be?”
  • “What qualities do I value most in my friendships?”
  • “What does it mean to value self-care?”

“Knowing the answers to these will guide your daily decision-making, and help prioritize your time, effort and energy,” Dr. Dattilo explains.

Day 2

Make a commitment to move your body in some way every day. Stokes says that there is an overwhelming amount of research that shows the power of walking, stretching and virtually any type of movement in improving our mental health and well-being.

As Stokes details, moving might include walking around the block, stretching while watching TV, going to the gym, practicing yoga, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, or doing a few sets of sit-ups and lunges.

Related: This 30-Second Habit Could Be a Gamechanger for Your Energy Levels

Day 3

Today, start your day out in a positive way.

“And keep it going in that direction rather than having it start out rough and trying to turn it around,” Dr. Conley says. “Do whatever you can to ensure your day starts out well. This may mean taking a bit of extra time the night before to pack lunches, lay out clothes and get organized. Get a decent night’s sleep and wake up a few minutes earlier if it helps you to avoid feeling rushed.”

Day 4

Get into sunlight, as Bailey recommends, saying, “Our bodies are like complex houseplants—we do better when we have frequent access to sunlight to help feel connected to our world and ourselves. Get sunlight into your corneas as soon as you can when you wake up and then frequently throughout the day.”

Day 5

Connect with family and friends. Stokes says that one of the top predictors of happiness comes from spending time with those we care about.

“Whether talking on the phone, texting, video chatting or meeting in person, take time each week to connect with those you care about,” Stokes says. “It’s an extra bonus if you laugh and play, as these two emotional experiences give a real boost to authentic happiness.”

Related: The #1 Sign You’ll Live to 100, According to Longevity Experts

Day 6

Similar to engaging in gratitude, try capturing happy moments in new ways with photography.

Bailey says, “Snap photos of moments and people and things that are bringing you happiness in that moment. Create a happiness folder for photos taken to reflect back on and intentionally create a space for feeling the good.”

Day 7

Choose experiences over things. Stokes says that it can be easy to get caught up in the cycle of immediate gratification that comes from buying something special. “However, lasting happiness comes from investing in experiences more than a new car or material possession,” she says.

To achieve this today, Stokes says that instead of buying something, consider going on a hike, visiting a museum or library, walking through a park, taking an art or pottery class, going to a concert or movie, or planning a trip.

Day 8

“Nature is a healing balm for the mind, body and spirit,” Stokes says, so today, spend time in nature. “The awe and wonder that comes from the intricacy of flowers, the beauty of a butterfly or the grounding energy from a tree is a sure happiness boost.”

Day 9

If something negative happens today, Dr. Conley advises taking time to process it and recognizing that it’s just one small piece of the day.

“So many things go according to plan in our day that we don’t even recognize it yet—when one bump in the road occurs, people tend to catastrophize it and let it ruin the rest of their day,” she says. “People don’t consider the fact that their alarm went off on time, their car started and they made it to work with enough time to grab a morning beverage at their favorite coffee shop as positive. Does this one event or situation need to take away from your joy for the rest of those remaining 24 hours?”

Day 10

Approach, rather than avoid, situations that may pop up. Dr. Dattilo says that procrastination is an emotional decision to avoid discomfort.

“It’s likely you won’t always feel motivated to do the things you need or even want to do,” she says. “Reminding yourself that you are worth the effort may help motivate you and having identified the ‘why’ will help you overcome any emotional inertia.”

Related: Want To Live a Happier Life? Happiness Experts Say That These Are the Six Most Important Changes to Make

Day 11

Eat delicious things, Bailey says. “We live in a world that is steeped in diet culture, so a powerful way to practice increasing happiness, and intuitive eating, is to allow unfettered access to foods you love.

Did you grow up loving Ring Pops? Get some and eat them. If your comfort food is mashed potatoes, then eat them for dinner. Create a list of joyful foods and find a way to regularly eat these with permission and acceptance, free of judgment.”

Bailey adds that this might take some practice, and if eating is complicated for you, consider connecting to a registered intuitive eating dietitian who can help you reconnect to your eating wisdom.

Day 12

Today, try to get connected to your body in happy moments.

Bailey reflects, “Emotions live in our physical bodies, but we don’t always pay attention to how we experience things. Run an experiment and track what you notice physically when you are experiencing happiness. Is it a lightness in your limbs? Fluttering heart? Warmth in your face? Notice it, write it down and you’ll start to notice the happy feeling more readily.”

Day 13

Put things into perspective.

“Think of the event or situation and decide where it goes on a tragedy versus inconvenience scale,” Dr. Conley says. “We often give more mental and emotional weight to things that don’t deserve that much of our energy. Using this scale helps you put things in perspective.”

Day 14

Here’s your simple assignment for today: choose joy. Dr. Conley says that happiness and feelings of stress or frustration are competing emotions.

“You can’t hold onto both, so you need to choose which one you want to focus on,” she explains. “Think of the situation that’s bothering you and decide if it’s worth giving away your joy for.”

Day 15

At this halfway point of the month, today, try to get grounded.

Bailey says, “You’ve probably heard the basics of grounding: touch grass, breathe deeply, get Zen. So when trying to find what grounds you, explore what allows you to feel calm and connected and do this in the moments when you’re feeling frazzled, overwhelmed or need extra connection. It can be as simple as connecting to your body with a hand on the heart and stomach and taking a few deep breaths or putting your bare feet onto the earth.”

Day 16

Work to create a helpful mantra. Dr. Conley says that you can develop a saying that can help you in times of stress.

“I constantly tell myself, ‘I refuse to feel stressed right now,’” she says. “It helps me prioritize and realize that things will get done and come together. Other helpful mantras include things like, ‘This is temporary,’ ‘This too shall pass’ or ‘I am choosing joy.’ Think of something that works for you and use it to bring a sense of calm when you’re feeling overwhelmed.”

Related: Crush Your Goals With These 75 Mantras for Success

Day 17

Notice and allow the hard times, as Bailey states, and keep this in mind when less-than-desirable situations come up today.

“Maybe it seems counterintuitive, but when we can acknowledge, validate and move through the difficult moments—it allows us to notice when we do feel good,” Bailey says. “Pretending to always be happy only sets us up for confusion. If we are putting on the happy mask all the time, happy doesn’t mean happy anymore. So, learn to notice the hard and it will deepen the happy.”

Day 18

At some point during the day, connect to others about their happiness. Bailey suggests asking your friends and loved ones how they experience happiness, talk about the happiest moments of their lives and explore what it feels like to celebrate someone else’s joy.

“Knowing how others experience happiness can help us to connect to our own cheerfulness,” she says.

Day 19

Stokes says that today, you can discover your core values and strengths. “According to positive psychology, strengths are referred to as your values in action,” she says. Stokes recommends taking a free test that will list your strengths.

“Once you have the list of your strengths, ask yourself these questions to help identify the five that feel most in alignment for you,” she says. “These are known as your top signature strengths.” The questions include:

  • Do you feel energized by this strength?
  • Do other people find this to be true about you?
  • Do you feel most authentic when engaged in this strength?
  • Do you feel inspired to use this strength?

Afterward, post the list of your top five strengths where you can see them, like the wallpaper of your phone or your bathroom mirror. Refer to them to guide your choices and actions.

Day 20

Set aside time in your day to practice self-care. Stokes says, “When we take care of ourselves, this sends a message that we matter, boosting self-esteem, self-respect, self-confidence and happiness.”

Choose something from your list daily (not just today!) that feels caring, supportive or healthy to you. Stokes lists examples like taking a bath, spending extra time enjoying your cup of coffee, visiting a park on your way home, reading a book, hanging out with your pet, napping or connecting with a friend.

Related: Feeling a Little Bit Down? Here are 25 Ways to Get Happier in 10 Minutes or Less

Day 21

Make it a point today to reframe how you think about stress.

“Stress itself does not exist,” Dr. Conley says. “This is a hard thing for people to grasp because stress is a word that people talk about and feel all the time. However, it’s your perception of an event that creates the feeling and presence of stress. Your view of a situation as either manageable or unmanageable creates stress. Consider what feels so unmanageable about a situation and who can support you with it.”

Day 22

Connect with your inner child. Bailey says, “Think about yourself at a certain age and consider what that part of you would have liked and what would have made them feel loved and happy. This could look like going to a park and swinging on the swings or giving yourself permission to eat dessert first before dinner. Indulge in childlike behaviors with openness to connect to the whimsical joy of childhood.”

Day 23

Practice purpose. “We all want to feel as though our lives have meaning,” Stokes says. “There is no better way to do this than to live with purpose.” So, today, make a list of what brings meaning and value to your life. This might include spending time with your kids or pets, caring for those you love, communing with nature or engaging in passionate work.

Stokes explains, “Choose something from your list and be mindful of how you feel. Let yourself soak in the meaning, contribution and purposeful value that you are experiencing.”

Day 24

Manage expectations.

“We can’t walk around happy 100% of the time,” Dr. Conley says. “My true goal is to feel content most of the time and happy some of the time. We are always going to experience ups and downs and times of sadness. As humans, we are subject to a range of emotions. Trying to avoid negative emotions altogether is impossible. If you are sad, frustrated or discontented, take a few moments to process what you are feeling and allow it to guide you. Perhaps it’s time to make a few changes.”

Day 25

Today, set a boundary or two and stick to them.

Dr. Conley says, “Stop people-pleasing. It’s okay to say no if you don’t want to or don’t have the bandwidth to take something on. We often feel bad saying no, but this leads to us depleting our emotional reserves. It’s not your job to manage everyone’s perception of you. Not setting boundaries often leads to resentment and feelings of being taken advantage of. Be true to yourself and your needs and say yes to requests if and when you feel in a position to do so.”

Day 26

Consider trying meditation today. Stokes calls this “going within so you don’t go without,” adding that meditation is a practice that’s been shown to increase longevity, memory, physical health, focus, overall mental well-being, happiness and much more. She recommends these steps for starting out:

  • Start by setting aside 5 minutes and work your way up to 10 minutes. Over time, you might choose to go longer because you feel the undeniable benefits.
  • Ideally, schedule your practice at a similar time each day.
  • Track your meditation in bStable.
  • Find a comfortable posture that allows you to breathe easily. Ideally, align your spine whether seated or lying flat.
  • Choose something for your mind to focus on that is peaceful or relaxing, such as your breath, a prayer or mantra.

Related: ‘I’ve Always Been a Meditation Skeptic—Which Is Why I Was Shocked By What Happened When I Mediated for 30 Days’

Day 27

Although it might be hard, today, try putting this idea into action: don’t be afraid to ask for help. As Dr. Conley says, life isn’t meant to be handled alone.

“Take an inventory of your support system and ask for help,” Dr. Conley says. “See if someone is willing to step in and create some space for self-care. Most people are happy to do so, and you can return the favor.”

Day 28

Take breaks from stimulation. “We get really good at distracting ourselves from our lives and emotions,” Bailey says. “And in the effort to avoid hard feelings, we also train ourselves out of feeling the good too. Consider turning off sound, technology and even extra lights, and be present in your space for small periods of time and increasing over time to allow space for the good feelings. You might just find that you have more curious and creative thoughts happening when there is space for them.”

Day 29

Be mindful of your state of thinking, feeling and acting. “Being mindful takes focus and practice,” Stokes says.

To practice mindfulness today and to start learning to live in the moment, Stokes advises:

  • Checking in throughout the day, starting when you wake up in the morning.
  • Identifying how you are feeling, what you are thinking, and if applicable, what you are doing.
  • With a feeling of compassion, notice what is happening and take note of any patterns that are emerging with how you feel based on your thoughts and actions.

Day 30

Practice acceptance. Dr. Dattilo says that it’s important to be honest with ourselves about the changes we’d like to make, and so often, we become consumed by wanting things in our life to be different.

“While it’s important to have goals, happiness can remain elusive if we focus too much on wanting things to be different,” she says. “Consider adopting a practice of ‘radical acceptance,’ which is the active choosing and willingness to have things be the way they are, simply because they are. Radical self-acceptance can be powerfully transformative and essential for authentic and long-lasting happiness.”

Day 31

Focus on what you are grateful for. Stokes says that gratitude has been time-tested again and again to be a powerful happiness resource. So, today, Stokes suggests:

  • Making a list of what you appreciate and genuinely focusing on each one until you get a sense in your body of warmth, appreciation or gratitude.
  • Being mindful in the moment of what is working, helpful or valuable about the current situation you are in. You may have to dig a little here, but there is always something we can find to appreciate, even if it is that we are alive.

Next up, discover the simple act that’s the biggest predictor of happiness in life.

Sources